Heart on my sleeve

Having someone be inspired by my influence is one of the most flattering discoveries.  One guy from highschool who was a senior when I was a freshman reconnected as a result of facebook. He wrote this poem about me and there is a lot of truth to his words, but then again I do wear my heart on my sleeve.  I just wish more guys had the ability to appreciate friendship and not always want something more?

Friendship is what lead to falling in love with my ex-fiance; I’m so grateful for his continued friendship. Friendship lasts, where it seems marriage doesn’t? So I have no regrets on letting go of the idea of marriage; neither of us would be where we are today. As far as romance goes…. I’m pretty much over that!

As I sit while thoughts intrude

I give up while the truth alludes

I know the path I need to walk

I’ve given up no need talk

I’ll tell you Steph with words that live

I have nothing left that’s left to give

I shared my thoughts with only you

I keep to myself, it’s what I do

Being alone is what I hate

Alone though is what is my fate

I’ve been alone through much of life

Even through my days with wife

I don’t share thoughts or dreams with friends

I’ve found that they will bring my end

The end that is the path I walk

The living more I chose to mock

I’ll tell you this because I found

I like to have what’s you around

Our paths have crossed so late in day

Too much life has passed away

I’ve shared my words with my past heart

It’s not poetic, it is not art

I’ve made these words though just for you

It’s not what I will always do

You are so rare that I’m confused

No one’s heart you’ve ever used

Take care my Steph and dance your dance

Smile with life and find romance

Tony Turner 2010

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Never Going Back to OK

In God’s usual mysterious ways 2011 ended up being, in many ways one of the most difficult and yet redeeming years of my 39 years. Fortunately with the help of a holistic MD and my father intoducing me to the product Sovereign Silver, I was prepared for the intense year by being able to finally break free from the horrible cycle of withdraw pain of the Remicade (immune suppressant) medication and start the process of restoring my immune system and healing. February 2011 started out with oral surgery to remove a couple wisdom teeth and followed with a percutaneous nephrolithotomy on April 18th to remove a 1.4cm kidney stone on my right side that was clearly too large to pass, only to be followed with a cystoscopy in September to remove the rest of the smaller kidney stones on my left side that hadn’t passed. In addition, I was hospitalized and tested positive for MAI or MAC in June after having 2 full weeks of fevers,chills, and waking up drenched every morning; which this finding was no surprise given the very abnormal white counts as a result of 17 years of aggressive immune suppression. I also had a chest x-ray with new lesions followed by another in July that indicated growing lesions. I decided I had no intentions of taking the usual course of antibiotics for treatment and fortunately my doctors weren’t eager to start the treatment either.  I decided I was going to change the course and take the alternative route. After I was released from the hospital I had contacted Dr. Robert Scott Bell, the holistic doctor that had introduced my father to the sovereign silver for recommendations, since the silver had undeniably helped me reach my goal and desires to end the cycle of abuse the immune suppression had caused. He suggested I take alfalfa,chlorophyl,blood builder, and another homeopathic product. I took the first 3 suggestions at a very modest dose and noticed my blood counts were gradually improving. My acupuncture doctor also implemented some lung treatments and I started taking a product called clear lungs.  By December 16th I ended up going to the ER due to having constant pain around my gall bladder area for 7 hours. The ER doctors were very thorough; bloodwork,ultrasound, and chest x-ray. The findings were remarkable; chest x-ray was good, white count was 5 ( the best it has been in probably 10 years) and no stones on the right. They suspected  I might have passed a gall stone. In the midst of all my health issues I was informed that my pharmacy manager at the time had made the comment that he wished there was a way to get me fired. When I returned to work I certainly felt like I was targeted, although no surprise since he had been discriminating against me for a couple years now. I reported the harassment to the department that deals with these type of complaints and never heard back, figuring oh well, such is this unjust world we live in. About a month later God reminded me He was still  in control of the situation and justice prevailed; my pharmacy manager was fired! Everything turned around in October. I realize now the stress that had contributed to my health and is now removed. God has also removed some personal baggage/conflict of my heart and even enlightened me of so many admirers via facebook. I’m just so grateful for all the ways God continues to be faithful and shows me Love and protection. I have never felt so free and myself only better! Now my goal for 2012′ is to fight my fears and use the gifts that God has restored and whispers to my heart. God really does blow my mind sometimes with the way he connects me to some amazing people; including doctors, I even have Joyce Meyers, Success magazine,Sparrow records, among many following little ol’ me  on Twitter! I am so humbled and feel like I must be doing something right! There are so many Christian artists that have encouraged me and reminded me of who God designed me to be and I want to thank them personally one day and can only hope to follow in their footsteps encouraging others on the sometimes broken and lonely path of life. I must admit I have never felt alone on this journey and recognize all the ways I have been rescued and comforted by my higher power.