Back to Broken Reality

When you are going through a chronic and serious illness, the shallowness of the world really  brings you down. Many of my authentic followers of Christ will understand this and have even written about it as well. I thought I had found mutual understanding in a group that was based on the movie “Old Fashioned” , however, and very sadly at this point, the direction changed or I finally recognized the hearts of some members. I guess once again I am putting up my brick wall? No…,.. in my defense and the character Clay I am guarding my heart. I am using my time wisely; it is not optional when you are living like you are dying and I’m not trying to be over dramatic either. Time is way too precious to allow superficial and fake people to damage your soul further. More and more the word “Love” is all about “ME” and what I need to seek? I just don’t follow that kind of warped disingenuous love. I am also realizing how much I value my married friends; it’s like I’m single with a married soul. It makes sense because I am truly committed to my relationship with my Lord first and staying out of the way of my lack of grace at points. I don’t know but in the wedding vows:  what God has joined together means He does the work. I just have never felt the need to seek what only my creator who designed me knows and His plans and timing. When you become one with God, only then can you be one with another person? I see my married friends as one, I really do! I respect them both in their relationships and value authentic Love that they reciprocate. When you have a pure heart you are kind of like a kid only with boundaries and pure intentions. I am learning once again how people misuse words. Intentional is not the same as manipulative or calculated to me, it is closer to being selfless I think than anything? In everything I do I try and let Jesus do His thing in me; also Shine His light which will attract a similar soul. I think it is working fabulous so far; no regrets, most of them just happen to be married or children. That is why I work hard to do and be what God asks me to be; it’s not my vision or timing. If Satan tries to destroy it, I will still have God, dignity and some quite amazing authentic friends that have invested in my life and I in theirs. I don’t care what you call it, dating or courting, all that matters is Loving and friendship; it is always constant. It is obvious I don’t buy in to the romance thing either; I find it pretty pretentious, unless it is truly planned by the book of the Bible and not the usual book of love, however, I am a champion for Love gone right! I think some very simple things like a photo booth picture from the 1940’s of my grandparents is romantic. But lets face it, what do I know? My answer would hopefully be Jesus. My grandma and grandpa didn’t show physical affection; we never hugged or kissed, it was an unspoken Love with actions that have lasted beyond death. They created two children, so it is not as if they never had physical intimacy; it was just something sacred. Often when I reflect all the sacrifices they have made for me and my security, I want so deeply for them to know how grateful I am for the memories and lessons. Now that’s Old Fashioned! I guess I needed a good cry tonight? If it weren’t for Jesus Christ I wouldn’t know  genuine Love.grandparentsphotobooth1

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