As I recall, it was around the late part of 2010 when Adam entered the political spotlight. I very quickly developed a crush on him, regardless of ever meeting him; just something about him? However, just as quickly his engagement to get married was announced, so I naturally dismissed any feelings that I might have encountered. Fast forward 7 years later on Oct. 19, 2017 I attended a human trafficking forum that Adam was involved in. Exposing evil has always been on my radar. I couldn’t help but notice he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring and was totally caught off guard. Unknowingly I had managed to position myself in the auditorium directly in front of where Adam would be seated. At the conclusion of the event Adam took time to greet and speak with some people in attendance. Not being brave enough or knowing what I would even say I continued to sit in my seat for a little while and observe; being a people watcher. He was probably about 2 feet away in a brief conversation with someone. I could swear I felt his eyes meet mine and that he saw me, I mean really saw me; he was wearing a smile that I had hoped was for me. My hyperactive nervous system (empath) seemed to kick in and I felt this overwhelming chemistry between us; of course my emotions were strong enough for the both of us I suppose? LOL
Anyway, afterwards I was so intrigued I had to do some investigating to find out what his situation was. After reading about his story and learning his engagement ended; it touched me very deeply. I could strongly relate because of the similarities of my own decision to end my engagement to my best friend who was serving in the Air Force. My emotional connection continued to deepen as I discovered more. I had developed such a respect for him. In my search to explore Adam, I even ended up following his mother on facebook. I have had the distinct privilege of experiencing vicariously such a special family, which feels like “home” for me.
Also as I constantly try and find understanding, I tend to search deeply for signs or signals. I personally have noticed significance in numbers and feel that God is a calculated and well planned creator; there are patterns to see in life if you are willing to look. For example; I am a capricorn and my birthday is 12/30/1972 which broken down ~ 1+2 +3+0 +1+9+7+2 = 25 and 2+5= 7
Adam’s birthday 2/27/1978 ~ 2+ 2+7 + 1+9+7+8 = 36 and 3+6 =9
Finally the date which all my emotions came full throttle was 10/19/2017 ~
1+ 1+9 + 2+1+7 = 21 2+1= 3
I have always concluded that 7 and 3 were divine numbers in my experience?
It has felt quite redeeming to “feel” again after 22 years of emotional stagnancy. I certainly hadn’t lost all hope, just interest in any romantic potential. I currently feel as if all my emotional waiting has been so worth it. It seems more intense than I had imagined, which scares me terribly. I had just gotten to a point in my life where I felt as though I was really good at being single; my heart takes over and interrupts my groove. It has been a struggle between patience and resistance. It is typical of how God works because he wants us to continue to grow and flourish. Everything would make sense that the past 2 years was preparation for something this big? I truly had become quite content with what some might consider mediocrity maybe? As I continuously reflect and analyze the events of the past 2 years it seems obvious God rescued me from a job that no longer was satisfying and went against everything that I had come to believe. It is my natural tendency to focus on what I have and appreciate it. God needed to allow my life to become so uncomfortable, to the point I could not resist any longer. So I can’t help but feel like He has been preparing me for this moment to completely focus on myself; mind, body,spirit and take the next step? So I guess my New Years resolution might end up needing me to get uncomfortable? I just wish God would provide me specific details because I can be good at ruining things!;) I’m also feeling a significance of Valentines Day approaching too; as it was the date in 1995 when I decided to move forward in my singleness. Maybe it should be the date to let go of that singleness? One major problem though; singleness only takes 1 and getting out of singleness requires 2 people being involved, so all I can offer is a step. This is why I hate even thinking about not being single because it requires someone who genuinely feels the same and that would take a miracle! OMG, I’m in tears just thinking about it and I think I’ve just created a new condition called P.T.E.S. (Post Traumatic Emotional Syndrome). I hate risk and God knows this, so I should just expect a phone call; even though he doesn’t know my name or phone number? Of course just because he isn’t married doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t in a relationship either. Why must I have this crazy supernatural ability and pure heart that I question all the time? Why must I over think everything?
Anyway I’m getting way ahead of myself and really would just appreciate the opportunity to really get to know Adam; I just don’t want to scare him. So I will continue to “Be Still” as it is what I know best.
“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:19 NLT