Between all the proclaiming Christians scrutinizing and slamming President Trump and Kanye West in online posts; an obvious reflection of the corruption of the church and spreading a false gospel is revealed. I’ve never witnessed such obvious contempt for righteousness; spiritual blindness, attacks, and hypocrisy promoting faith on a sliding scale, eliminating redemption, transformation, mercy, grace, and the power of Jesus . It sets a very distorted example to those unfamiliar with Christ, with implications the fabric of restoration, transformation,grace, and mercy as mere fabrications. It can be exhausting being an empath with energy sensitivity; it inspires turning to God’s Word and writing as therapy. Hiding my head in scripture has become my normal and is a cultural sin in the “can’t win culture”. How dare anybody be different and claim to understand the heart of Christ! (sarcasm) It reminds me of exactly what Jesus encountered at the cross; so would be consistent with prophesy and spiritual awakening. Impossible? According to scripture, nothing is impossible when it concerns Christ and I happen to have first hand knowledge with what has seemed impossible and unimaginable. Projection creates assumptions by accusers that presume the type of devotion and relationship with Christ being displayed must be pretense or acting; given a lack of experience that differs from their reality. Yes, some of us honestly hide our heads in scripture and prayer almost 24/7, especially confronted by struggle; which happens often living with a chronic illness. How could we not? I have simply learned my inability to trust myself while being human and life is so much better when relying on truth and the Bible. I mean, I’ve lived over 26 years at odds with my flesh; which naturally produces being at odds with the culture too, being forced to focus on the spiritual. Those of little faith have the audacity to minimize and deny my reality? How else would I have survived all the loss that has accompanied my journey being physically compromised for as long as I have? How else would I have overcome walking closely to the valley of death over half of my life? It can be so frustrating dealing with those that don’t seem to understand the dynamics of devotion that is beyond yourself; leading to assumptions and blame thrown by non-believers and Christians “in name only” alike. According to scripture and divine intent, Christians should appear different from non-believers, however, culture and demons have conditioned and poisoned minds into a religion of mediocrity or laws. The devil keeps pushing society farther and farther away from truth; using shame and insecurity as weapons of choice. When I encounter things I know in my heart to be wrong, I instinctively run to the cross and God’s word, out of absolute necessity and habit when living a physical battle that involves rescue by spiritual and supernatural means of Christ. Scripture becomes a natural reflex where the Bible is a refuge; providing peace during times of darkness and confusion. I am genuinely aware I desperately need God. So I recently started documenting a list of all the scripture that applies to the most common violations encountered online recently; pointing to the evidence of demonic infiltration in society. If it weren’t for scripture I would probably go insane; which might explain the increased episodes of insanity that result from the lack of Bible time investment for many. Spiritual abuse and blindness is habitually trending on social media outlets to the spiritually inclined and ironically even sometimes in comments regarding posts of scripture that exemplify the contradiction. #ChristianShaming
1 Corinthians 1:27 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;
Zechariah 8:6 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) 6 Thus says the Lord of hosts: Even though it seems impossible to the remnant of this people in these days, should it also seem impossible to me, says the Lord of hosts?
Romans 1:21 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) 21 for though they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their senseless minds were darkened.
Luke 5:31-32 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) 31 Jesus answered, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; 32 I have come to call not the righteous but sinners to repentance.”
Galatians 5:19-25 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) 19 Now the works of the flesh are obvious: fornication, impurity, licentiousness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, 21 envy,[a] drunkenness, carousing, and things like these. I am warning you, as I warned you before: those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. The Fruit of the Spirit 22 By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit.
James 3:17 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy.
1 Corinthians 4:6 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) 6 I have applied all this to Apollos and myself for your benefit, brothers and sisters,[a] so that you may learn through us the meaning of the saying, “Nothing beyond what is written,” so that none of you will be puffed up in favor of one against another.
Romans 12:3 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) 3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
Ephesians 4:29 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) 29 Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up,[a] as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.
There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community." - Proverbs 6:16-19
Finally, I find it ridiculous when people use the term self righteous, because there is no such thing;it is an oxymoron. It is an obvious sign that the person making the statement has been deceived using understanding of the flesh. This observation doesn’t make me judgemental, but rather discerning of “fruits”. If a person displays righteous behavior, it is a “fruit” of obedience and focus on the Holy Spirit, because righteousness cannot be produced from selfishness or absence from Christ. So tired of the cultural brainwashing and lies that motivate others to perceive everything as a competition; which defies the teaching of Christ. If I were in a competition, it would probably be something like Dancing with the Stars. 😉 I’m different, we’re all different. I am privy to things that no other person has experienced; including supernatural observance’ while dealing with particular circumstances and gifts obtained through suffering. Others will have their own profound encounters with lessons, because we were created as a body of individuals. The world doesn’t need millions of people that provide the same service or gifts; it would rob us of our value. Furthermore, it is a complete violation of spiritual boundaries, referred to as coveting in the Bible. Shaming another person for something you don’t possess is selfish too. Just because others appear more diligent does not mean they perceive themselves better, however, it is a tool of success and should indicate the exact opposite. Newsflash….. living with a chronic illness involves a requirement of consistently trying harder and perseverance. If I was already righteous in my own mind, I wouldn’t even spend effort seeking scripture and growth? Perception can be deception and the Bible describes how we develop a kingdom mindset as transformation. Confidence in Christ only produces a threat to those focused on things of the world. #ResistSatan #ChristianShaming People can be so double minded. Would they accuse a minister of being self-righteous? Probably just the opposite and point out their inadequacy? It’s a no win culture war and it needs to stop! Focus on Christ and your part in His plan should be our motive, instead of where the Bible instructs we have no business. Scripture warns that comparison is a thief and satan is the thief, so when you compare you are serving satan. Nobody can know Christ without investing time and energy. To assume knowing scripture would reflect superiority is irrational and foolish. I realize though that targets of scrutiny are in good company because they hated Jesus first and scripture warns of this happening.
By design I have always been an all or nothing individual and I am all in for Christ. If that makes me extreme then it affirms my diligence, because I never want to be a lukewarm Christian or lukewarm anything for that matter. Life is so ironic that being an actual Christian is extreme living. There is so much double mindedness and resentment thrown at those who thrive because of Christ; as if it is even possible without Christ? I sure don’t know how, but then I am only able to understand what I have encountered. Mediocrity is celebrated, while success is punished and coveted by the worldly standard. Transformation and conquering the devil is now popularly known as self righteous by those of little faith who believe a lie; that a life dependent on Christ is unattainable. I literally live and breathe Christ’ word and strength and will not be shamed into censoring my whole life experience. This type of faith requires a great deal of time spent suffering and affliction. You discover more value using time when living with limitations because time is a commodity that can’t be wasted. #GoBigOrGoDown #Winning #EmpathsFeelSoMisunderstood #ChristianShaming #BlessedAreThePureInHeart #ChooseFaith
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17
In typical fashion Christ always uses the challenging moments for His good and inspires writing. So it is now obvious to viewers when I feel attacked. 😉 There is an abundance of relevant scripture that is applicable to life and especially the cyber influence that is happening.
While preparing for a request of review to the Appeals Council I decided it could be eye opening to share my experience with others in hopes the process could be better understood and exposed. As I was forming the content it really challenged me to the depths of it’s impact and initiated a growth of purpose. I can’t help but want to pursue change to this system that tortures people in their most vulnerable moments. It’s almost as if it would have to be intentional and a source of evil. I have been almost obsessed with psychology the last few years in my journey dealing with so much insanity in the world. The closer I come to understanding, the more I come to the conclusion that psychology was created by man in an attempt to explain and label the unseen spiritual fruits of satan? I have always insisted social security should be a private entity and I can’t help but want to expose the administration for what it truly is; a tool for satan. The process is biased, absent of due process, and ssa gets to decide which evidence will be used to manipulate, aka witchcraft. The hearing is basically an interview where you are put on trial and anything you say, can and will be used against you. There is no recourse until the determination; which happens approximately 3 months later. I demand limited government!
First of all, I wanted nothing to do with the government and didn’t even start the application process until over a year had passed after losing my job, when it became apparent I no longer had a chance at earning an income with my limitations. So on January 3, 2017 I submitted my application. Of course it was denied and I appealed waiting in limbo until I could get a hearing. I was notified a couple months prior to my hearing date that it was scheduled for November 19, 2018. In the mean time I had found legal representation online and had communicated with staff by phone and email; never meeting until my hearing. An attorney contacted me the Friday before the hearing to go over my case in preparation of the hearing. Needless to say, I ended up in tears during the conversation. It was actually quite annoying and remember Andrew commenting “I’ve done many of these hearings, just never as complicated as yours.” Umm he waits until 3 days before the hearing to figure this out? All the records had been sent at point of contact with health providers. I really wanted this to go well and made sure I was keeping up with my responsibility; in hopes things would flow accordingly. Right then I knew this was not going to go well but it was the Friday before my hearing on Monday, so I was without options at this point. Not trusting this attorney I decided I would bring a file with the most significant records involving my case and arrived well in advance hoping to review my case with the poor excuse for legal representation. As he was looking over the documents I provided, he acted as if he had never seen the report of my brain MRI from September 2017? I had been given confirmation via email from the legal assistant following the results. Living with a chronic illness for as long as I have you definitely learn the importance of communication and the need to be proactive. My hearing day had arrived and during the broadcast, as I like to call it, because you are sitting at a table and basically skyping on a big screen; the judge asked some questions and after my turn was over addressed a doctor by speaker phone that worked for social security about my file. Apparently this doctor’s opinion was preferential over my physicians, who have dealt with my condition between 5 to 19 years and he basically discounted everything. The doctor even implied that I no longer had my condition because I wasn’t taking medications to control it? The judge gave my attorney a chance to offer a statement and he questioned the phone doctor something about calcium with sarcoidosis, which seemed unusual and irrelevant, but not being the expert in disability legality figured maybe I was missing something? The judge ordered a psyche evaluation even though he didn’t feel I needed it? Afterwards the attorney and I walked out of the building together and in a very casual demeanor he commented “I hope you thought I did alright.” I then questioned when I would know more about my case and why I would need a psyche evaluation; given my illness was physical? He actually responded he wasn’t sure? It was a total nightmare! After I returned home I was so upset I contacted my cousin from Arkansas to vent about the train wreck and wanting out from the deal. I was all new to attorney business but after talking to her boyfriend she assured me I didn’t have to retain him. After I got off the phone with her, I pulled my original contract to clarify any terms and was relieved I could fire him. I then proceeded to write a letter of termination to the attorney and send it certified. I didn’t feel the need to pursue further representation because it seemed mute and obvious that lawyers are clueless to health/illness and there was a major breakdown.
December 21, 2018 I had an appointment for the psyche evaluation; as a side note it was a very strange experience. The location was a big house with single lane driveway turned business? I drove around the surrounding blocks until I found a place with parking along the street. When I arrived the psych guy was in with a client and I had to wait awhile. As I was sitting in the main area, I could hear just about every word between the client and him. So much for privacy?
In order to gain some support, I decided I would finally contact the state representatives office that I had volunteered for in the previous campaign, that his campaign manager in a previous conversation had suggested regarding my situation. His office forwarded all the documents I provided and I received a notice back from them with a response from ssa indicating they already had the information? I couldn’t understand how that was possible because I had appointments in December following the dismissal of legal representation? It was expected to take 3 months for ssa to come to a decision in my case. Three months later I received notice for another hearing? I was thinking for what? I could not help but find this ridiculous and confusing. My supplemental hearing was on May 2, 2019 and as I anticipated; it did not disappointment for being pointless. Different judge, same skype channel. The judge proceeds to state that my previous judge had retired and he was assigned to the case for a decision. He indicated he had the opportunity to evaluate my records and felt he had a good understanding of the case. He then asked if I wanted to say anything? I replied I didn’t really understand why I would need another hearing and that my medical records should speak for themselves. I also mentioned I didn’t have any faith in the process and wasn’t sure what I could add. It made absolutely no sense. “Would you like to say anything?” About what? He was the judge that summoned me. If there was a particular reason for this hearing, shouldn’t he be the one asking questions based on the need and reason for the hearing. They literally could have called me on the phone to accomplish what occurred. Based on this hearing I found it crazy the judge even questioned why I didn’t have legal representation? Seriously, what am I missing because I feel as though I’ve been punk’d! As of this past week I received an unfavorable finding and the next step is requesting a review from the Appeals Council and waiting another 18 months for them to spiritually assault me; causing stress and preventing any healing.
I have this annoying innate desire in me to create order out of chaos, just like Christ, so I’ve learned from the best. It would be a bonus if God could move it to change. For now I can just have faith He will use this situation for His glory. I just wish I knew why I get all the dirty jobs? 😉 Of course it could always be worse and I could be a politician. The following paragraphs are my response’ to the unfavorable findings explanation, and what I discern as “gas lighting” .
I received notice of an unfavorable decision for social security disability and I don’t have any other choice but to request a review by the Appeals Council. I find it suspect that the documentation in the conclusion of findings was missing the most severe diagnosis’ I have been afflicted with since 2015, despite confirmation of receiving these records from my Hematologist at OSF and Urologist at Loyola; which documented Secondary Immune Deficiency, ITP, and Chronic Kidney disease. Also, my official diagnosis is systemic neurosarcoidosis and the MRI confirms this diagnosis, so the administrations qualifying diagnosis and assessment of sarcoidosis is incorrect; it disregards actual diagnosis completely. The evidence clearly proves my systemic involvement and is proven beyond any doubt, based on the multiple organs involved. I am in complete dismay how the findings could realistically come to the conclusion otherwise and that my case be deemed not severe or systemic? I have several specialist’ that have been involved in my care that include; endocrinology, urology, hematology, pulmonary, and last but not least neurology, which is a good indication my condition is systemic and severe. I’d suggest a credible doctor be deciding on this matter because the findings in my determination contradict the truth. Basic anatomy confirms these systems work together and how the nervous system is the operations manager. Maybe this is why judges shouldn’t be making determinations on health issues and that doctors familiar with the patients case should not be disregarded. The mere fact that more weight was given to an assigned doctor, who has never seen me, performed an examination, and based solely off of potentially transposed information, is completely dishonest and opposite of evidence based. Another contradiction to the findings was that the doctor on the phone watched? Afterwards? How would that add any insight? I’m apparently guilty of being too hot for illness? LOL In addition, the agency doctor proved he is unreliable by statements violating the oath a doctor takes “To do no harm.” Therefore his opinions cannot be used in good faith or trusted. The administration process is completely flawed, as with most things run by the government. To state there is no evidence that would suggest my condition is systemic; defies all logic and evidence.
[sis-tem´ik] pertaining to or affecting the body as a whole. systemic disease one affecting a number of tissues that perform a common function.
My case is so sever and rare most physicians have much difficulty and seem very intimidated treating all the involvement. As a result I am passed around like a hot potato from specialist to specialist. In the coveted 15 minutes I’m allowed with my doctors, the typical response to my concerns are always ” It’s the sarcoidosis.” So I’m sent on my way to deal. It is why I have been left with no choice but to go the distance over the course of my illness. It is also why I was forced to become my own advocate and be very selective in health care decisions. The worst of my dysfunctions involve the nervous system, which is essential for complete body function, an immune system that was created to defend the body from unseen microorganisms seeking to call our bodies home, and finally, chronic kidney stones leading to 10 kidney surgeries within the past 10 years causing kidney scarring and damage. If that wasn’t enough, chronic splenomegaly that had been repeatedly acknowledged in pet scan, and the multiple ultrasounds provided, acquired immune deficiency, I.T.P., residual brain lesions causing episodic dysphasia and documented nystagmus resulting in vision limitations; which possibly contribute to the unexpected balance disturbance I encounter on occasion. The lung scarring becomes apparent when afflicted with a rhino/retro virus; causing mucus drainage into the lungs, stimulating uncontrollable and convulsive coughing spells; that result alternating between vomiting and urine leakage. The coughing is triggered so deeply it feels as if you are drowning in mucus and left gasping for air. It’s humiliating, exhausting, and you prefer to avoid putting on a show to any bystanders. It happens more often than not; in fact I’ve currently been sick with a virus since my last hematology appointment, which is no surprise given the environment and being surrounded by other immune suppressed individuals carrying underlying infections. Doctors office’ are the last place you want to be when immune compromised. The consequence of having immune deficiency and getting sick results with an average 6 to 8 weeks before achieving symptom resolution. I have used a journal to document my health the last few years to better realize the impact, because after dealing with dysfunction for an extended period of time, it somehow becomes normal with a tendency to produce denial. Sometimes I wish I could record the ugly episodes that come with this condition, however, I have enough respect for myself and others to not want to torture anyone. I only share things that I can dress up; like kidney stones. After assessment of my journal documentation during the previous Dec-May, 78 of 182 days were bad involving additional ailments or virus’. Almost half of my life is spent sick with acute illness on top of chronic illness. To expect me to compete with healthy individuals is not only unfair but cruel! I’m at such a loss and feel attacked by all the inaccurate and incomplete findings. It was confirmed by the judge of receipt of the evidence, yet has been completely overlooked or missing from the finding evaluation. Not only have I been engaged in a physical battle over 25 years, but I would be an emotional basket case if it weren’t for my strong faith, intentional living, and believing in hope for better days. It shouldn’t be a surprise that through this process I would be dealing with mild anxiety and depression; due to being continuously forced to reflect on the last 4 years of illness and stuck in a system that prevents me from moving forward. To have a standard in the law where age is even a determining factor for disability, isn’t even rational but certainly explains ignorant comments such as “You’re too young to be sick?” Disability does not discriminate and inflammation is part of the aging process. Despite appearance’ my body has been in a chronic inflammatory state, aging at twice the rate for over 25 years. It is well documented that an additional year can be added to every year dealing with inflammatory conditions because inflammation is resistance. Medications don’t eliminate inflammation completely and at best only reduce it. Another suspect criteria used in the determination of disability is being on medications for treatment? Apparently according to ssa laws the more medication needed the more support for disability? This qualifying standard has got to be the most irrational concept of all. It literally reveals that medications are completely worthless for improvement of illness. If you were taking medications for a condition and it improved the condition and quality of life, you wouldn’t need disability! Talk about an oxymoron!
I have been held hostage by the social security administration after working approximately 29 years and 22 of those years under the influence of illness and chemotherapy/immune suppression. During those years I worked an average 30 hour work week, accompanied by 4 medical leaves annually the previous 5 years, while employed. The audacity of the statement claiming that I have worked 20 years with my condition; omits the obvious lack in understanding of progression of disease. It would be like stating because you have driven a vehicle for 20 years, there would be no reason it would break down and not perform. By that standard why would there ever be a need to retire? In fact, aging is similar to biologic mileage and anything working against the body, such as chronic illness, inflammation, or other factors add additional mileage. There are plenty of people much older that have much greater stamina, capabilities, and quality of life than those younger with ailments. Donald Trump is a great example. I have got nothing on him, or at least anything he would want. 😉
Nothing changes if nothing changes. The only change that has occurred with my health situation over the last 4 years, has been the elimination of working and the difference it has made; allowing isolation; minimal stress, illness, and hospitalizations. It is basic cause/effect. The stress response is a major assault on an already overextended body. It is a vicious cycle that cannot be escaped with any significant burden of effort. As it currently stands, my task limitations are confined to periods not exceeding 1.5 hours because of increased pressure to the brain; resulting in unexplained numbness,tingling,burning, cramping in extremities and dizziness. I push myself to achieve basic tasks and feel grateful for good days when I am able to accomplish a couple basic items on my to do list. This whole process has been ridiculous; as if someone who understands law could ever understand the body, health, and the cost of illness? I shouldn’t have to seek legal assistance in pursuit of an earned benefit, defending my reality; especially by someone who is clueless regarding matters of illness and disease. The fact I have not earned any substantial income in over 2 years despite my best efforts is evidence I have been unable to commit to steady employment. Once again a personal opinion has more value than evidence. I welcome further advise on all the positions I would be suited to perform that were claimed in the findings. Have job requirements gotten so mediocre they are no longer competitive? Attendance optional? Dependability not required? Both sedentary and repetitive motion are both factors that can trigger inflammation and cause further damage to an already compromised body. I can’t type worth anything with any consistent manner due to hand/eye coordination disturbance’ from nystagmus. I refuse to perform at a level that is unacceptable by most standards. I guess that is where the world and I collide? I value the work and effort I can provide and currently all that I have to offer is interrupted. I probably would make a really good editor if it weren’t for the unreliability associated with my circumstance’ and needing to avoid contact with hidden microbial enemies. I fought to work for 22 years with chronic illness and now fighting to rest and heal, and my body is worn out from this fight to save my soul.
The document findings are filled with inaccuracy’ and incomplete. I have followed with corrections to the findings report.
June 1, 2015 (6F/126) I had an appointment for zometa infusion for treatment of high calcium; not sarcoidosis. Zometa is a sodium bisphosphonate and isn’t used to treat sarcoidosis. (Incorrect ASSUMPTION)
June 26, 2015 (6F/126) “Reported not feeling well”? I had been having fevers with heaviness in my chest that hadn’t improved post contracting influenza b on April 7, 2015. Being a Friday after hours my provider sent me to the ER department after contacting him, to have my white count checked and if needed, boost it, which resulted with a white count of 1. The er doctor only offered me an antibiotic with no evidence of a bacterial infection. I refused the antibiotic knowing it was most likely viral and related to my influenza that never resolved. The er doctor, not familiar with my complex case, bullied me and refused to treat my white count as customary with neulasta, which was the reason my physician recommended I go in the first place. I wasn’t in any position to risk further complications from something unnecessary, so I determined waiting to see my physician the following Monday was the best decision. On June 29, 2015 I was appropriately diagnosed with neutropenic fevers, pneumonia, and hospitalized. (So again findings were not completely accurate and taken out of context.)
August 4, 2015 I saw my endocrinologist who had been following my persistent hypercalcemia and hypothyroid. The zometa treatments worked to decrease my calcium, which was later discovered to be related to a parathyroid adenoma.
October 7, 2015 I had a follow up visit with my pulmonary physician to evaluate resolution of pneumonia. I felt my lungs were stable and my cough had improved. (The assumption that zometa is used in the treatment of sarcoidosis is again false and shows complete medical ignorance.)
November 2, 2015 (6F/59) Living alone and being primarily independent and able to provide for basic self care needs is very different than trying to maintain consistent reliability. In fact, it should explain that maintaining necessary tasks on your own would place more demands on the body; without having a regular source of support. As if it is impossible to live alone with a disabling condition is another poor assumption. I’m not paralyzed, however, even if I were, there is no reasons that would prevent adjusting to the circumstance. This implication insults the disabled and shows contempt. It also does not mean I am without regular assistance at times. My neighbors are constantly looking out for me and lending a helping hand. They have been mowing my lawn for the last 9 years and have also delivered food on occasion. I have an uncle and aunt locally who take turns helping when needed in a variety of ways. People in my situation need what independence they can get to prevent further suffering from guilt and feeling like a burden.
December 1, 2015 According to my records I didn’t see my urologist on this date? So once again misinformation on reporting. Although I have a very active history with kidney stones and surgeries that started in July 2009. To date I have had at least 10 surgeries since 2009 to remove stones including; 3 cystoscopy, 5 percutaneous nephrolithotomy’, bilateral nephrolithotomy (2014), and most recently uteroscopy on December 5, 2017. I continue to produce many stones despite having my kidneys cleared over and over. My most recent ultrasound/scan was January 9, 2018 showing multiple stones and mild right side hydronephrosis. My calcium levels have remained normal since the parathyroid surgery on December 16, 2015, yet I continue to produce regular stone formations.
Completely eliminated from the findings and distorted was the events with I.T.P. I contacted my hematologist to order blood labs on November 2, 2015 after noticing petechiae. My platelet count was found to be 0 and I was hospitalized November 2, 2015 thru November 10, 2015 for a bone marrow biopsy, platelet transfusions, treated with IVIG, and followed up with rituximab for 6 weeks. By February 22, 2016 my platelets increased to 103 and remained fairly stable for my situation; averaging around 100. At most recent appointment on May 22, 2019 they were 94 which is still low, however, acceptable given my history that has been resistant to increase.
Most of the month of December 2015 was spent at Mayo clinic evaluating my severe and complicated issues with adverse reactions and resistance to medications, to determine if there were additional options in the event rituximab failed to improve my platelets. January 25, 2016 Once again resumed the habit of passing more kidney stones on a fairly regular basis, despite normal calcium levels. Doctors have failed to advise of any treatment for this manifestation and continue to promote drinking more water; which I remain conscience of with no impact.
March 17, 2016 Had appointment with an allergist to further diagnose reactions with multiple medications, to determine alternate treatment options in my complex case. My seasonal allergy complaints were the least of my problems as I tolerate them by being proactive and trying to avoid triggers. Comparing seasonal allergies with drug allergies is irrational and there is no comparison. Doctors don’t prescribe mold or tree pollen and you don’t die from them either. It was determined I had significant abnormalities with polymorphism’, which also explained the severe reaction developed to prednisone, including seizures and worsening of condition when trying to decrease very aggressive doses in 2007, while treating optic neuritis. They had previously prescribed methotrexate and remicade in order to discontinue 14+ years of high dose prednisone and relieve an accumulated 4 years of cushing syndrome.
March 17, 2016 Misrepresentation with ” the claimant reported experiencing side effects from medications.” Polymorphism and adverse reactions are not insignificant “side effects” but rather life threatening. The report was clearly included in the documentation from the allergist at Mayo clinic and was explained. It has been a miracle surviving a-plastic anemia in 2013 and my immune system has never recovered to a substantial defensive capacity and continues to progressively worsen with additional microbial assaults. I suggest a lesson in pharmacology would be necessary to make a determination.
March 2016 I had started to feel better enough to explore trying to work again. I naively started searching for different employment options. I had a couple interviews during a period of about 6 months with no results, so July 2016 I decided to become an independent distributor for the Juice Plus company; understanding the value of whole nutrition and the health benefits it provided. In addition, I hoped I could earn some income too. I have remained a distributor but have failed to obtain legitimate earnings and continue to hope I will eventually reap some financial rewards for my efforts. I also have been open and continue seeking other opportunities for home based work with residual income that can accommodate my quickly changing and unpredictable body, while avoiding stress and deadlines that further trigger immune exacerbation.
April 15, 2016 I wasn’t having any life threatening issues, therefore did not require any medication involvement to solve detrimental symptoms. I had decided to start seeking alternative methods of healing based on evidence, instead of the same approach that lead to running out of FMLA and losing my job. It is completely false I denied all treatments; as the only treatments that were suggested were for future exacerbation. Medications have failed me and left me in a desperate situation with my health. It is a complete fabrication that I denied any treatment options as noted April 15, 2016 (6F/23). I did not refuse all treatments, I exhausted the use of many medications after they no longer improved my condition. I refused further immune suppression because I am not insane. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Medications work temporary at best. It would be further assault to my health to add immune suppression to an already severely suppressed immune system. Furthermore immune suppression does not remove scar tissue or address the multiple issues such as kidney stones; it would be adding insult to injury. I have been trying to resurrect my immune system since losing my employment in 2015 with no success at this point. Over twenty two years of chemo medications have done what they were designed to do, while never preventing the many hospitalizations and even multiplying the problems. The only answer the medical community has for my condition is immune suppression, which goes against biologic science and sanity. The world is so conditioned to believe a pill is the answer for everything and disregards root cause, complications, or risks. Sarcoidosis is not something you treat, it is the life threatening symptoms that are treated. The ignorance of this disease does not go unnoticed.
August 1, 2016 As typical I passed one of the many kidney stones in my history that never involved the ER. Emergency rooms are for emergencies. Based on the amount of kidney stones I have passed, it no longer constitutes an emergency and proves a foolish use of resource. Newsflash…… when you are passing a kidney stone the pain can be so intense you can’t even leave your bed, let alone the house. Furthermore there is nothing the ER can do besides charge outrageous fees and hand out pain medication like candy. With experience comes knowledge and you learn how to cope. Applying peppermint oil topically and laying flat has been my approach to tolerating the pain that is triggered by stone movement. You also develop a very high pain tolerance with experience. Pain medication will only cause additional concerns; see any drug information profile. Maybe I need to provide all the picture documentation of several of the kidney stones passed these last few years; since without visual reference it’s easy to ignore? I imagine people think I am crazy for collecting these kidney stone events, however, it seems to be the only way to get the message across about the problem.
August 12, 2016 it was reported as being asymptomatic and I’m wondering of which multiple issue? I certainly wasn’t kidney stone free or cured of ITP and Secondary Immune Deficiency during that period, or any other for that matter and all my medical records support this finding.
October 7, 2016 (6F/7) I have episodic breathing and cough that is dependent on a variety of factors; including environmental toxins and acute infections. Having various roaming health conditions that happen independently, do not exclude the continuous and persistent abnormalities. My overall condition is episodic in nature with varying degrees and impacted by nutrition, sleep, and stress avoidance; which are crucial to avoiding further immune triggers . Being proactive and choosing intentional behaviors has been a requirement for avoiding any major setbacks. Something as simple as a bug bite could create havoc in my body.
February 7,2017 (7F/24) There is clearly some confusion indicating treatment and improvement? Completely false and misleading, as far as nervous system involvement is concerned; that didn’t develop until later. September 1, 2017 my local neurologist ordered an MRI after an initial visit in August because of ongoing issues including; headaches,numbness and tingling in both feet, right arm, and burning in feet. She preferred to consult and partner with my neurologist at Loyola who had history with my situation but was farther away. A suitable treatment was eventually denied by insurance after several attempts to get it covered. I have been adjusting and dealing with the issues the best way possible with no source of income. I felt some benefit after several chiropractic treatments, however still experience these symptoms periodically upon exertion and am unable to sustain the treatments because of insufficient funds. As typical governments don’t understand budgets and that you can’t just steal service’ when broke. Something the government doesn’t seem to have a grasp on based on every area of waste,abuse, and debt.
March 9, 2017 (20F/45,58,73,114;22F) Although I was currently having minimal issues, there seems to be another misinterpretation regarding chronic illness? It has been status quo the last 4 years, so regardless of not having major life threatening symptoms, I have remained immune suppressed and carrying kidney stones; causing degrees of nephrolithiosis . In what warped reality is “not worse” equivalent to “better”? Being able to prioritize sleep with inconsistent sleep patterns and avoiding stress has been an essential part of maintaining any further progression of disease. In addition, the notes were obviously wrong; it’s called human error. I was previously a pharmacy technician and maintained my license until its expiration in March 2017. It’s still not relevant to the current situation so apparently assumptions were made? I haven’t worked as a pharmacy technician since being released from my employment September 27, 2015. The IRS can affirm this fact.
March 23, 2017 My body decided to start attacking and the target was iron deficiency; a 6 week course of iron infusions were initiated.
September 1, 2017 As stated previously, this was the beginning of increased nervous system involvement and treatment eventually being denied. Neurologist ordered MRI after initial visit in August because of ongoing issues including; headaches,numbness and tingling in feet, right arm, and burning in feet. She preferred partnering with my Neurologist at Loyola who had more history with my situation but was farther away. A suitable treatment was eventually denied by insurance after several attempts to get it covered. I have been adjusting and dealing with the issues the best way possible with no source of income. Not working has been part of the necessary adjustment.
November 22,2017 After preparing for bed and bathing I had an episode similar to previous experience’ with seizures. I became concerned enough to investigate if the noted brain lesions 2 months prior were getting worse, due to inability to access treatment, so I went to the ER for assessment.
January 9, 2018 Better is very subjective when dealing with the spectrum of ailments involved with my condition. Of course I felt better after my uteroscopy; it relieved pressure from nephrolithiosis and stone blockage of urine. I didn’t feel the amount of pain resorted to a strong opioid medication and was able to utilize tylenol to tolerate pain. I have earned a high pain tolerance!
If medical evidence does not support my disability it is because of failures on those assessing them and it was either ignored or misrepresented. Based on all the discrepancy I found in the findings, it explains human error, unrealistic standards, or malice. Knowing individuals much younger, healthier, and able to work that have been collecting disability, while I am denied despite the abundant evidence is insulting and demeaning. I have been dealing with a chronic illness marathon for over 25 years. Income is required to pursue any serious attempt of improvement with functional medicine. If there was even minimal effort to understand the severity of my condition, it should be obvious. I most likely won’t even reach standard retirement age. The government has no business making claims I am able to do something when reality and facts prove otherwise. I want to work again but that can’t happen until I get resolve of major health issues. I am a motivated person at the mercy of my body and shouldn’t be at the mercy of the government too. The inconsistency involved with this process is just another example of ineffective government and also explains the ignorance associated with illness and health care. This decision also affirms I made the right decision ending my legal representation. Talk about manipulation of facts and inaccuracy. Another incorrect documentation was in regards to my representation. At my initial hearing I was represented by Andrew Locke and not James Greeman, as reported in the findings summary. Details matter in this process. The deficiency’s in this determination prove to be sloppy. Taking events out of the context numerous times distorts the entire picture and is dishonest. This only covers the cliff notes of my journey with neurosarcoidosis too.
Government corruption runs deep and includes the social security administration. I certainly feel as though I am in a similar position as Donald Trump with the Mueller investigation and can relate to the similarities of this corrupt government process. The social security nazi’s need to be exposed and drained! It should be a private entity owned by “We the People”. It’s obvious the government can’t be trusted and why legal assistance is necessary for this process. Leave it to me to always have to learn the hard way and take the most difficult road. The government will probably be the death of me but can only hope it will be used by God for His purpose. Maybe they need to reevaluate my psyche evaluation because apparently I’m delusional to believe that my condition is severe and prevents gainful employment? Apparently I just identify with my symptoms but shouldn’t that be enough? Seems to me transgender people have more rights than the chronically ill. I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise given how backwards and insane our society has become. Heaven help me because there is no place like home and I don’t seem to fit in this world anywhere. I need an intervention and a second chance at life again. I have had several people tell me I should write a book and after this, I feel I just might have written a chapter and closer to that reality.
Besides all of this evidence SS has a horrible rate of return on investment. You’d be a LOT better off investing that money in a 401K or IRA or other investment. Plus if you should die you can will that investment to your adult children or other family. With SS all that investment is GONE!!!! On top of that the government can change the terms of how much and when you can get your money out by reducing benefits, changing retirement age, etc, etc. And if you could use that cash for some emergency, you CANNOT get access to it unlike a retirement account. These are only FOUR of many reasons SS is a horrible investment for the future!
I often have this recurring thought, you don’t know what you don’t know. I know health because I know illness and my struggles have lead me on a journey to learning and incredible spiritual growth. I have also discovered health care has nothing to do with actual health and that the government should not have any control of the debacle; which they know nothing about. Not only did I work in “health care”, specifically pharmacy, for nearly 15 years, I have currently experienced the industry extensively for over 25 years dealing with my chronic illness. If it was effective I would not be sick for over half of my existence and experience the progression of disease, which has included Neurosarcoidosis,Primary Immune Deficiency, I.T.P, G.E.R.D, and C.O.P.D to diagnose parts of the multiplying dysfunctions. I have survived over 25 years of conventional medicine because I have boldly chosen to seek Christ and rely on faith to direct my decisions and it didn’t happen overnight or doing what was typical. From the beginning of my illness the treatments never made sense, however, like most people I had to learn the hard way. It took time and patience to break free from the status quo. Experience has always been the best teacher. If I had remained on the conventional medicine course I would be dead and I am not being over dramatic either. I can recall several critical moments, however, 2012 was when it became imperative the need to change course. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Even now, still being severely immune suppressed the last 6 years, you recognize the miracle of living and the obvious understanding that God ultimately decides when our mission is accomplished and our earthly term is finished. Our unknowing is limitless and provides for a thirst for understanding. The Bible instructs that if you cling to life you will lose it and explains a lot about my journey. We are body and spirit, yet often forget how they are connected.
John 3:6 New International Version (NIV) 6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit[a] gives birth to spirit.
Mark 5:26 New International Version (NIV) 26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
The first Biblical principle that has been ingrained is to try and honor my body as a temple. Nothing about medication honors our body and actually goes completely against it by manipulating the God given biologic chemistry. If you’ve ever read all the potential side effects for the common drugs and think there is anything life giving, you’ve been conditioned by the world. The author of death,stealing, and destruction is satan. You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone; then you try and find it. We have inherited a mysterious and divine body upon birth. The Bible is the manual but we have been conditioned to believe it operates on auto pilot. Disease isn’t a random or unexplained occurrence; it’s just learning human biology hasn’t been a priority in society. Also ego likes to insist we don’t make mistakes. I have always had a passion for health but unfortunately or fortunately it took developing a chronic illness to become almost obsessed with understanding what is hidden. Since nearly approaching the 4th year anniversary of developing influenza b, that would become the ending of my employment and beginning of the unknown, it has been my mission to conquer my health and figure out how my current situation is part of a process and preparing for something more, that couldn’t be seen from where I was left. This world is filled with deception and nearsightedness. The Bible acts as spiritual glasses for clarity in a world filled with darkness. I’m constantly amazed how easily people ingest substances or foods despite potential consequences that apparently my body screams loudly to. Besides for my insight on endocrine disruptor’s and alcohol being in that category, I can’t think of a single advantage to drinking alcohol, in fact, just the opposite, it stimulates insulin in the body which in turn creates inflammation. I’ve learned that inflammation is my enemy!
” It can be extremely easy to live a life of comfort. A life in which the choices we make are made solely based on what is easiest, benefits us quickest, and is most convenient. Be assured that a life that is truly lived includes many of the following: bumps, laughter, bruises, joy, discomfort, success, heartache. Often times, where you want to be is not where you are called to be. Going where you are called is certainly not always pleasant or perfect but it is always beautiful and good.” ~Sidewalk Prophets 3/25/19#thesesimpletruthstour #swpfamily #beencouraged
Living with an invisible illness enlightens you to the major deception you must face living. The deception comes from everywhere and everyone; including many doctors. It requires having strong communication skills with an ability to convey symptoms that at times seem unusual, even peculiar, to those who have never lived it. The forsaken reality is, seeing is believing and not seeing is not believing. It is why I eventually started documenting my very unique, or as doctors remarked, my complex case. As I look back and read my medical records the gratitude sinks deeper of the strength and perseverance that has accompanied this battle which can’t be seen. The characteristics you obtain on this journey are priceless and the cost is great but the value is greater; which often seems unnoticed by the rest of the world sometimes. Invisible illness has revealed learning deeper truths in every area of life, but particularly the curiosity of the soul and it’s Creator.
With the partial government shutdown and absence of those impacted not receiving a paycheck spreading over the mainstream news, it has revealed a crises in society on many levels. It is a crises that begins with a spiritual void and results in entitlement,gluttony,idolatry, and most importantly lack of wisdom, sacrifice, and responsibility. It exposes a government dependency that has been manufactured by very weak people who have submitted their power to an idol.
As a conservative who has always supported limited government with my vote, it angers me but also reveals something deeper in myself; that I can be grateful for. You see, I have been in a battle with the bureaucracy of social security disability for nearly 3 years, with no substantial income. I worked and had social security taken from my checks for approximately 29 years and after the progression of my chronic illness and losing my job, the government gets to decide whether I qualify to have my money returned when I am unable to maintain employment? I have endured over 25 years with neurosarcoidosis; several episodes with brain lesions which have left me with residual nystagmus and occasional verbal deficiency from previous 2.5 inch brain lesion that caused aphasia, over 22 years of immune suppression and chemo drugs resulting in secondary immune deficiency, I.T.P., C.O.P.D., S.I.B.O., cholengitis with gall bladder removal, and chronic kidney stones with 10 kidney stone operations presently. I have managed to reverse secondary hypothyroid being diligent and prioritizing health concepts that work would compromise. Still after all this evidence I am denied having any limitations that would impair my ability to work by government standards? It is business as usual for the government run nightmare and nobody gives a second thought about those at their most vulnerable time who are unexpectedly inflicted with this battle. Yet God forbid some federal worker might have to wait for a paycheck or not have to work and get paid for an undetermined amount of time. Last time I checked, this is the reality of life for all! Somehow politics gets to determine that federal workers are an exception to the unexpected reality of life? By the way, it is all propaganda because I recently learned GOVERNMENT WORKERS CAN GET THEIR PAYROLL FROM THEIR LOCAL BANK BY SHOWING THEIR FEDERAL ID!!!! THE LOAN IS INTEREST FREE AND WILL BE PAID BACK BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ONCE IT REOPENS. What a deal!
There are many people who do not have the luxury of a steady income; any entrepreneur work like farming, writing, coaching, musicians, or home business’ depend on many factors to receive a profit. Nothing in life is guaranteed; not even your ability to perform. At any moment you could end up with an illness or victim to an accident preventing you from making money. We are at the mercy of the universe and why we need a Savior. The government does not have any exclusive rights to resource’. It is why there are religious organizations that provide charity available. When the government claims this type of power over people it is also taking it away from Christ. The Bible explains satan as a thief and therefore satan is clearly active in the government.
John 10:10 New International Version (NIV) 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
It is quite unbelievable to me that there are people who do not have the basic insight on how to live effectively; standards like not spending money you don’t have, sacrificing for things you want,saving and stewardship of giving your first fruits. Life is all about planting; it doesn’t take much to produce a harvest when you sow into the Lord. The most I have ever made was $27,000 annually when I had a good year and it was an exception. On top of that my average health care expense was typically $5000 annually. If you have never practiced these principles, you wouldn’t know how effective they are. It takes a step of faith but too many cling to comfort and turn to fear when it is lost. Fear is a trap to compromise and selling out to satan and this is where we are in society. It is impossible to have a full life when in bondage to the government. I am so blessed to understand this; so many are lost and eager to become powerless. Living paycheck to paycheck is a choice of bondage and irresponsible. Less truly is more! There is freedom and power in discipline and not conforming to the world. The best thing we can do is deny ourselves.
Good stewardship leads to flourishing, which is characterized by well-being, thriving, and abundance. It is the way God created all things before the fall, as well as what he will restore when Christ returns. In the parable of the talents, Jesus teaches that everyone is to maximize the gifts that he is given in order to contribute to the flourishing of the world (Matt. 25:14-30).
It should be no mystery how God provides in my time of need. In fact, I would have never even realized His faithfulness and provision had I never been put into this challenging situation. I cannot emphasize enough the privilege I have had growing up with a purpose driven grandfather and having the Biblical wisdom instilled into my world. My grandfathers legacy is the gift that keeps on giving. Not only am I able to live in the house he built to shelter me but I have the amazing values and wisdom that has been the foundation of my soul. Life giving lessons based on the “Laws of Reciprocity”, service, learning, and setting myself apart from the desires of this world. I learned early on that less is truly more. It’s strange how basic principles like these are lost on so many. Life comes down to choice’s and in an unpredictable world we should have the freedom to accept the consequence of our choice’s. They are indeed what shape us into the depth of our character and strengthen us. Christ is the only thing that results in strength when we are weak; the government is incapable of that power.
When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord; he brought me into a spacious place. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?Psalm 118:5-6NIV
I can’t help but recognize the path of purpose that God has lead me on and suspect that somehow He wants to use me to expose government and transform it to it’s original intent? Why does the Lord give me such impossible goals? LOL I can’t help but reflect on the preparation and influences. The fact that my favorite Bible verse has always been Phil. 4:13 since early on should be a clue.
Philippians 4:13 New International Version (NIV) 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
My motivation in life has always been inherently rooted in purpose, and that purpose is following Christ and designed for growth, healing, and peace. My intentions are to avoid anything pointless and deceptive which seems close to impossible in this world and why we need grace and a Savior. In a previous post I mentioned intentionally trying to avoid any appearance of evil, as the Bible mentions; including the celebration of Halloween, after learning the spiritual implications that were conceived in idolatry and darkness.
After browsing facebook the universe just whispered a childhood memory that inspired me suddenly and profoundly. I am constantly reminded that nothing in our existence is ever random and all things under the sun have meaning and resonate with our journey. It’s just many are too distracted to look beyond the surface. So onto the history and insight of my childhood.
I was chosen to play “Little Red Riding Hood” in a kindergarten production. I had assumed it was because I was a very animated child, however, after 40 years I am now speculating additional reasoning. I saw something related to it browsing online and instantly was triggered by the thought OMG, it was no coincidence I was chosen, even as a child. I was blind but can now see after the last 3 years, the preparation for my present experience’s and also how I might have been created similarly to “Little Red Riding Hood” at my core? The last few years has lead me to constantly revealing wolves hiding in society. Not only in people, but the world revolves around spiritual wolves; health,government,food,education, and even church’. Wolves that I have been blinded to for so long. It has left me feeling so foolish and insecure lately as I now realize how the majority of people I have cared for and saw goodness in could be motivated by such shallowness and darkness all along. But what is more disappointing is all the ways society has conditioned us to the normalcy of this epidemic of brokeness and narcissism. This spiritual battle we face is leading us into temptation and physical repercussions of illness. Sadly I’m left feeling guilty about my own limitations on the journey and blaming myself.
So it might sound crazy but I almost feel like dressing up as “Little Red Riding Hood”? Maybe it could be a potential spiritual act needed to symbolically free myself from the reality and help guide me in returning to my innocence? A gesture to bring my heart and head together and unite the depth of my inner child while bringing it to the surface? Or maybe I’m just going crazy and having a midlife crises after all the failed attempts of trying to heal myself and perfect the Love in my soul that has been systematically jaded over the years. Never have I understood and related life so much to “Little Red Riding Hood”. All along I thought I was more of a “Cinderella” type until this moment? Either life imitates art or art imitates life, but I am so ready for a happy ever eternity!
The following passages were sent in my devotional @Crosscards this morning and am finding the relevance significant.
“Listen to the word of the LORD, people of Jacob — all you families of Israel! This is what the LORD says: ‘What did your ancestors find wrong with me that led them to stray so far from me? They worshiped worthless idols, only to become worthless themselves.’” Jeremiah 2:4-5 (NLT)
Jeremiah 15:19, “This is how the LORD responds: ‘If you return to me, I will restore you so you can continue to serve me. If you speak good words rather than worthless ones, you will be my spokesman. You must influence them; do not let them influence you!’” (NLT)
I don’t mean to be a bummer, however, the truth isn’t always pleasant. Nobody ever claimed denying oneself is easy but it has been worth it from my experience. It is a personal decision just like any other and we usually have to learn the hard way. Evil is real and so is the Light and I prefer purity; it is my nature though, having a life path #7 and the gift of chastity. As we approach the haunting hour and evil worship that comes during October I felt it recently on my heart to warn others of the real threat that I gladly would partake in for 43 years. The Lord has been revealing the truth and deception of the holiday over the last 3 years of intimacy and growth. I can’t go back knowing what I know and experiencing the new found peace and freedom. I am still human and have the innate urge to enjoy dressing up for Halloween and not as anything evil either. It would seem as though to most it wouldn’t hurt anyone in the act,however, we would be wrong. It compromises our relationship with the Giver and Receiver of our life and All good things. It also opens energy into the darkness when we celebrate something created in the energy and spirit of darkness. That energy is very real and I not only don’t want to experience any consequence’ of inviting the occult into my world, but I also don’t intend to jeopardize my favor in the Lord that I have come to enjoy after turning away from my immaturity and foolishness. First off, as a purpose driven individual what purpose would there be in putting a costume on, besides self indulgence? Furthermore, what would provoke me to dress up as anything; other than idolatry? It all seems so pointless really in the grand scheme of life? Leave it to me to error on the safe side but my soul and devotion to God on my journey is way more important than a night or instant of self gratification. It really is no different than sex,food, or anything that can be enjoyed. Call me crazy, but I want God’s best! There is no appearance of Holiness in pretending to be something you are not. Maybe I’m overthinking but not participating in Halloween activities certainly won’t rob me of anything! I’ve personally found I don’t need anything apart from Christ and the more I practice this, the more freedom and peace I obtain.
“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”
When you research the history of Halloween it was conceived by flawed man and continued by foolish people who never questioned their hearts and why. It is so easy to get caught up in the flesh and ignore spiritual forces. Looking back on my childhood I can’t help but reflect the times I was naively introduced to the dark side thinking nothing of it. My intention is to finally break free from those chains. I’ve always believed in cause/effect and that it is impossible to believe otherwise. If you understand the depths of reality,energy, and molecules of all existence; there is no such thing as nothing. Even nothing is something! Have I lost you now? LOL “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness.” Isaiah 5:20
Anyway upon reflection of past events in my life it triggered contemplation of my mother purchasing an ouija board and using it thinking it was just a game. As naturally inquisitive adolescents we would ask questions. I no longer remember the basic markings on the board but I remember being creeped out by the way it really moved and the answers of where it stopped. It only takes one oops to discover an open door to hell. I believe it was an event that brought my step father into our lives and it would change my life forever. I remember the first time meeting him at Chuckie Cheese and none of us liked him; we would later discover our intuition was reliable. Besides for the fact my mother invited him to live with us and was having sex before being married to him. It was all producing an environment of sin that we would suffer the consequence. Not long after he moved in I would wake in the night to him fondling my private parts and discover holes in areas of the older farm house he would use to peek as I would bathe or change clothing. I felt helpless and would remain as if I was still sleeping; in hopes he would leave but it was never soon enough. While he lay his hands over my female essence he would verbally speak perversion and vulgarity. As I’ve recently been researching on my journey to discovery and healing from the trauma that most likely contributed to my health condition with neurosarcoidosis, I understand the connection to the teeth grinding I developed throughout high school that can be a symptom linked to a stress response occurring after significant exposure. It had probably been approximately 7 years I lived in constant fear; especially sleeping. It was in 1994 after I had been ill for a year that I left to stay with my grandparents and never leave there home. It would be 4 more years later that this monsters sins would catch up to him physically with bone cancer and the Lord would rescue and deliver me from evil. I guess I discovered early on to trust the Lord and desire purity. I feel blessed to have gained such a passion for purity and the peace it provides.
Well, I seemed to get off track maybe but the initial onset of my illness was labor day weekend and would continue the duration of October. I believe there is significant energy being produced that correlates with the calendar. In fact, it would be interesting to remember when he entered the picture because I believe I remember wearing jackets and being cold but not freezing?
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” Romans 12:9
“Let those who love the Lord hate evil.” Psalm 97:10
“To fear the Lord is to hate evil. Prov. 8:13a
“Hate the evil, and love the good, and establish judgment in the gate: it may be that the Lord God of hosts will be gracious unto the remnant of Joseph.” Amos 5:15