Valentine’s Epiphany

Believing in Love Again
When I was a child I enjoyed Valentines day

For me Valentine’s day was a holiday I celebrated and enjoyed as a child; where you bought or made greetings to put in a decorated mailbox and send to every boy and girl in your class. As an adult it lost it’s flavor because it represented shallow displays of affection like flowers,chocolate, and romance; which seemed to lack the kind of Love with substance that I had come to understand and desire.

Corinthians 13:4-7 New Living Translation (NLT)

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Although the timing wasn’t planned, I found myself ending my relationship with my ex-fiance on Valentine’s day 1995 and then another guy I had dated a week before Valentine’s day 2004, when I discontinued dating all together. I believe now that it was a result of this particular season emphasizing the disconnect between the Love I felt and the limited capacity my previous relationships offered. It was a time when I lost interest in continuing to go through the motions and decided I was no longer interested in the stale kind of love that lacked boundaries and was readily available. After my ex-fiance finally got married in April 2012 I started having conflicting thoughts that maybe I had been holding out for something that didn’t exist in this world? As a result I started carrying this burden that I had possibly made a mistake and my standards were unrealistic.

It was February 14, 2015 when all that changed and all because of a movie.

It was a Saturday and I was on my way to a hair appointment when I was listening to K-LOVE Radio and heard the advertisement for the movie audio trailer. I was instantly intrigued and when I returned home I started searching online for movie information. It was probably an hour later I was on my way to go see Old Fashioned. It was must see for me and I do not attend movies on a regular basis. This movie pulled on my heart strings and mysteriously released me from uncertainty about my past. I am forever in love with this movie!

So 2015 was the beginning of letting go of the past in virtually every aspect of my life. This little indie movie somehow managed to release something deep inside my soul and challenged me to come out from hiding my “different” heart at just the right time. It has continued to provide support and profoundly relatable insight into my journey. It even allowed me to travel approximately 8 hours to New Philadelphia, Ohio, solo again after 25 years, for a fan gathering to watch the movie in October and explore where it was filmed. I also had the privilege of meeting the creator/maker of this beautiful story and many others involved in it’s production. As a result of the facebook fan page I have been connected to a community who shares my values and soul; it carries me through and encourages. My heart and identity belongs to everything that “Old Fashioned” represents. So many details of the movie hold memories that compliment my life. As I was again watching the film I was struck again as I watched the scene where Amber and Clay discussed the movie “Sleepless in Seattle”. I watched the movie 25 years ago with my ex-fiance in Mobile,Alabama on the trip that I got engaged to him. I could go on and on about subtle triggers in the movie that provoked familiar feelings of home.

Your identity will be tied to whatever you give your heart to.” ~The Kendrick Brothers

Movie ticket for viewing in New Philadelphia, Ohio at the Quaker Theater

I love how this movie has inspired me to believe in love again! It has brought new meaning to Valentine’s day for me. At this point I honestly have no idea if I will end up finding another individual to share my heart with in this world but I am able to Love from my whole heart for the first time and it feels wonderful to live, Love, and enjoy Valentine’s day again! “Old Fashioned” is so much more than a movie, it is a movement! A movement of simplicity,authenticity,purity,depth, and grace.


Single Because

Single Because

So I find it interesting and misguided the fascination that married people have with single people? Although I realize the sentiment isn’t necessarily malice, it is in itself peculiar to ask “Why are you single?” I have wondered should I be asking couples “Why are you married?” SMH , I don’t know, it just never occurred to me to wonder about another persons path and choices in life? I wasn’t aware that we were all on the same path and had the same goals in life? Where did I go wrong; I don’t think I have? Maybe if I somehow felt equipped to plan my life in this broken world and see everything and know all, it might be an option? Maybe it is because I’m a perfectionist, so naturally I am seeking and trusting the only perfect, constant, and truth in life that I know; which is the creator and designer of my life and others.
So to explain: I am single because I do not have an agenda in this world. I humbly realize Gods plans and timing are so much better than my own. I know this because I have taken my time and practiced patience; which the Bible promotes! Patience is a virtue and we become what we seek. Secondly, why is it assumed that if you are not married, it is a must have? Sadly the worldly idea of marriage does not intrigue me at all. I am 43 and know several people my age that have been married and divorced twice by now; this alone should cause people to question timing of marriage and that it should not be rushed? Maybe, just maybe, I was meant to be like Paul and single? I have no idea because I never got those specific plans that apparently the rest of the married people received? lol I’m thankful I have always been able to embrace my path and choose the less traveled road and I haven’t done it on my own. Typically in past relationships they distracted me from my relationship with God, which is a big red flag. All I know is that I guess I’m lazy and want God to figure it out for me? 😉 I also sometimes wonder if desiring marriage so badly could actually lead to spiritual coveting; which is not a choice that God allows my heart to make. There are so many scriptures that speak to me in my singleness.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

If you seek Love in a marriage, you better be patient since Love is patient! Maybe that is a major difference in what I seek? I am not seeking marriage, I seek Love, and honestly I don’t feel void of it being single. If you aren’t able to experience Love while single, you will never be able to give any to receive and doing it wrong. I experience great love from friends, family, and even others I’ve never met or seen. Love is spiritual and too many focus on the physical it seems?
My theory is, if you focus on what you don’t have, you will miss what you have. So I am focusing on what I have in Christ and sincerely grateful.

Ecclesiastes 6:9New Living Translation (NLT)

9 Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don’t have. Just dreaming about nice things is meaningless—like chasing the wind.

Maybe, just maybe, I have something being single that most people can’t see and it’s called faith, hope, and Love and it’s more than enough for me!