Less is Divine

The last 16 months have been a time of letting go of everything and realizing all that I have and what is truly important. I am blessed and it took losing most everything to understand this. I had become so distracted from my purpose and destiny. I had been depending on myself to try and keep up with worldly standards; when I honestly wasn’t even interested in the world. I was compromising my true power in Christ and taking for granted my health in the process, without even noticing. It wasn’t until I had been off work for over a year and avoided the hospital that I was able to experience freedom from a job that was killing me. I went from working in a Pharmacy and ending up in the hospital 4 times annually the previous 5 years to not being in the hospital at all; priceless! I have been without income for 7 months so far and I have found so much peace and freedom in Christ. It is empowering not having any desire for the material world. I’ve found spending most of my time spiritually seeking my Savior very rewarding. I have been blessed with so much! God is good and until you allow Him the energy and time you’ll never understand how He can move those mountains that we all have to climb in this broken world. God has shown me how much better His plans and understanding are. I am grateful for everything I missed while I was trying to do what the world expected me to do; instead of what God created me to do. Even at this point I’m not quite sure what I am suppose to be doing, however, it is obvious now what I didn’t need to be doing any longer and I trust God will guide me. As a result of my health experience I became wounded by the health care and pharmacy system and felt as though I was working with the enemy. I felt maybe I should keep my enemy close in my mind, but it changed me and I became a sell out for a job and income. I finally feel free to be exactly who God created me to be. Now I just have to figure out what that is? I’ve always believed “less is more” and now I am living the proof and content beyond my own understanding.
Unexpectedly politics has been a major theme this past year. I always hated politics but I think because it was out of my influence. As a result of the damage to healthcare I had been following Ted Cruz since his filibuster in 2013 and gained hope by his tenacity. So naturally when he entered into the Presidential race I was eager to support his constitutional and impeccable standards. Undoubtedly the laws of attraction opened doors that I never knew existed. It was around May of 2016 that my information was flagged as a conservative activist and I received an invitation from the heritage action sentinel program. So never think that signing a petition can not make a difference. I was accepted to the program and have learned so much insight into what is happening in the House and Senate. I have really enjoyed the weekly calls and feel like it has given me power in my destiny. Also as a result of following Ted Cruz I was introduced to other passionate Christian Conservatives and one invited me to be a moderator to his group “Prayer Warriors for America”. It has been so challenging and rewarding spiritually; more so than anything physical that I have experienced. I have always known I was a leader but at the same time was intimidated by the status; also because I really am just a servant at heart who refuses to follow anybody other than Christ. I have grown exponentially since being away from the stress and distractions of my job. So not only did I benefit physically but also spiritually; it makes sense though because they cannot be separated until death. Most people become so caught up in the physical; they miss the whole picture!
Lastly, my cousin introduced me to the product Juice Plus and after I had noticed benefit to my health I decided I would become a distributor in hopes I would be able to encourage others to prioritize nutrition and maybe even gain some income. I honestly have failed miserably so far, however, good things do come to those who wait. Patience is a virtue and I believe everything works for the good of the Lord. So in conclusion, this past year tested my spiritual endurance and strengthened my connection to Christ and my faith. I never imagined it was possible to get closer to Christ and I’m sure He has much farther to take me. Distractions are a fruit of the Devil!

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Bad Medicine

Life has seemed like a treasure hunt in pursuit of pieces to the health puzzle I have sought over the last 23+ years hoping to regain my health. I think I first need to add a disclaimer; the intention of this post isn’t to insult doctors because I have great respect for my providers, albeit they seem to be confined to the book of “one size fits all” answers? My goal would be to expose the flaws in the broken system and transform health as God has intended, because He is a healer! What happened to individualized medicine? The world has sucked in medicine, just like everything else!
I guess I thought seeking care at a facility based on Christianity; where the slogan was “we treat the human spirit” might involve seeking the Creator and Holy Spirit for guidance? Not only did it not seem the case; I actually had to argue many times about wasteful tests before procedures; like pregnancy, because apparently I couldn’t possibly be single,over 30, and celibate living in society by the worlds standard? Why would I lie about my standard of faith? I guess the question should be, why do so many not own their life? Of course, I do have a past, but fortunately I have learned from those mistakes and Sarcoidosis has taught me. When you have a chronic illness you no longer have a choice but to submit to wisdom.
Another contradiction, I thought medicine was suppose to be a science? I have found very little science in the broken system as I have tried to scale it. Science would actually test for the specific microorganism causing illness; whether bacteria,viral,fungal, or parasite. If the intention is to treat or cure a condition with a medication it shouldn’t be potentially worthless. In addition, those treatments can come with horrible consequences’ to the magnificent human machine God created. Logic explains in order to heal or cure an illness, the cause must be addressed. I can’t help but compare a vehicle to the human body; if the car didn’t start would you just add gas or oil and hope it starts? LOL Of course not! So why is this an acceptable norm in medicine?
It has never made sense to treat an over responsive immune malfunction with destruction? Satan is the thief and destroyer; so now medicine is used as a tool for Satan? That is the depth of my heart and how my pure heart understands it. I guess I am just too spiritual for this world? God created our immune system for survival in a dangerous ecosystem that contains plenty of ammunition that the enemy intends to use for destruction. Our bodies divinely use homeostasis to adapt to our surroundings. I can’t deny that some of the medications achieved the desired momentary result and have been beneficial initially for survival, however, 20+ years of immune suppression is excessive and outweighs the good. Less really is more and moderation is key with anything in life. Drugs have taken the role of instant gratification by current medical standards and are manipulative tools against intelligent design. Keeping someone alive to just survive has never been my desire; quality over quantity is my goal. I just wish the purpose of medicine was to actually improve health and not just mask symptoms and problems afflicted by this broken and deceptive world.
Ephesians 6:12-13New Living Translation (NLT)
12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.
I could list so many scriptures because I have been living the scriptures and I’m tired of living in a one dimensional world based only on the physical, when Life is the product of the Spirit. After recently documenting my medical history to apply for disability, I realized on paper I probably appear dead? Over just the last 23 years I have had 17 surgeries, 28 hospital admissions, and 390 appointments since 2004 at one location for care. However, I am more alive than ever by the Holy Spirit; who is my strength in my weakness and limitations.
James 1:2-3New Living Translation (NLT)
Faith and Endurance
2 Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.
As a result of my endurance, I finally found an answer on my Mayo clinic profile to all the horrible reactions to medications that I have experienced. They were able to do some genetic blood tests, which did indicate an explanation of my medication issues. It is actually very technical, however, I have proof now!

Service Date/Time: 29-Mar-2016 19:31
Provider: Daniel E. Maddox, MD Pager: 4-7398

IMPRESSION/REPORT/PLAN
Pharmacogenomic analysis of the patient’s drug metabolizing enzymes demonstrated several potentially clinically significant abnormalities. First, the patient is an intermediate metabolizer for catechol-O-methyltransferase, and this means that she is at some risk for toxic side effects if multiple doses of adrenaline are given in the course of a resuscitation event. The patient is a potentially
altered rapid metabolizer of CYP1A2, and this potential can be
stimulated by exposure to certain environmental substances as listed in the complete laboratory report. The patient is a potential altered rapid metabolizer of CYP2C19, which means that pro drugs may get converted to active variants at an accelerated pace and lead to toxicities and compounds which are active in their native form may require larger than expected doses in order to achieve clinically useful blood levels. The patient is an intermediate
metabolizer for CYP2C9, which means that she is at
increased risk of toxic side effects and accumulation of
abnormally elevated blood levels with standard doses of the drugs handled by this center. The patient is normal for
CYP2D6-related drugs and normal for CYP3A4-related
drugs. #MyBodyDoesNotLie
So clearly even in illness; there is nothing common about me and I’m satisfied with that. The last 2 decades have been such a growing process that keeps me connected and seeking the Light and Truth of Jesus and His Supernatural and phenomenal ways. I never wanted to be identified by my illness, however, I think I could be famous for being ill? So I guess I am coming out of the medical closet. God can make illness into an art form. My body is loud and I believe my God can silence it; if not in this life, then for eternity. God continues to divinely lead me to bits and pieces of Heaven.

Not Alright 2006

https://youtu.be/E5oY2oYKHFY?list=RDE5oY2oYKHFY

I don’t discuss my illness very often because it doesn’t define me and fortunately it typically doesn’t appear very obvious on the outside: it simply reveals all the amazing and miraculous ways God heals and protects. Just yesterday my brother was reflecting with me about the time he lived in California and thought he might be coming home to my funeral. It took me a little while to figure out which episode he was referring to? lol ( it was 2006) I wrote about my experience:

Well I spent the last week in Loyola Hospital and got home Good Friday (was it ever, Praise Be To God!). It all started Sunday April 9, 2006’. I had gone to church feeling great and everyone telling me how great and energetic I appeared and in a matter of 3 hours after preparing for bed I was completely out of it. I couldn’t remember any phone numbers so I headed to the car door first with much difficulty. After having trouble unlocking the car door, I then tried the house door with no success. So it was back to try the car door again. Somehow my angels got me into the car and over to my uncles house around 1 am; by a miracle my uncle awoke. I was unable to speak. He immediately called my mother and told her to “get there now” They then proceeded to take me into Loyola. I was diagnosed with a 2 and 1/2inch lesion in the left side of my brain, which is responsible for communication. It was my 5th episode and one of the scariest. I was incoherent and couldn’t remember my families or doctor’s names or much of anything. I had aphasia; Satan was after one of my greatest gifts to destroy me because I had been creating way too much good in this world. By the 12th the speech therapist were insisting I have mandatory speech therapy. God conquered and I have come back or at least well on my way and I passed all the tests they gave me on Friday. They dropped the notion of therapy for now. I have been on very aggressive immune-suppressive therapy (4 to be exact ) and it has shrunk the sarcoidosis lesions. When I was in the hospital I had the best nurses and techs; one even fed to me spiritually and said that she saw that I was blessed. I don’t take my blessings for granted by any means. It is one of the reasons I am compelled to use my voice and communication skills; it also explains my desire to take all these tests  that involve writing/words skills such as spelling,grammar and vocabulary. Every time I achieve a very high score I am praising my Lord and Savior; I am not trying to boast about my abilities apart from God.

The song that sure does speak to me right now is by Sanctus Real/ I’m not alright
Chorus I’m not alright, I’m broken inside, broken inside
and all I go through leads me to you
and Plumb
In the end what leaves you broken, makes you better

My Tribute

I realize I am known for my independence and it is a goal I seek on a regular basis, however, I am not independent from God and I am not an island! My brother recently brought up his concern for my health situation and my need for family. I’m not exactly sure what his point was but I started reflecting on ALL the ways God has always met my needs in times of struggle and all the amazing individuals that God has brought into my life that define my success and strength. So I guess I just want to take the opportunity to share and celebrate my amazing people that are God’s hands and feet! It starts with Sharon who in late February 2000 drove me into one of my first appointments @Loyola Medicine for a pulmonary function test. Then there has been Marcy who arranged her schedule around her family to take me into Loyola for a Dr. appointment or infusion, can’t really remember the specifics; just that she was there for me ( I think 2007′)  My uncle Mark G delivered me to Rush Presbyterian to see my Neurologist/Opthamologist referral for the first time, when I was afflicted with optic neuritis during summer of 2007. He later ended up traveling to Rush with me to take me home and another time for regular infusions I was having. He has also taken me home after hospitalization a couple of episodes at Loyola too. I cannot forget Donna, who offered and picked me up in Rochelle to drive me into Rush for a follow-up appointment that I had shortly after my initial visit. Kathie who I worked with, later drove me into Loyola for one of my regular infusions, oh…. and by the way, the infusions took around 4 hours. Then there is Molly who drove on a road trip to Springfield for a hematology appointment, 2011 maybe? Heather who has changed the dressing for about a week after each of my percutaneous nephrolithotomy’. Not to mention trimming trees when I have been ill, while her husband Jay has taken care of my lawn mowing for the last 4 years. John repaired my grape arbor a couple years ago. The list just goes on and on………… My mother of course has been the VIP of all my 10+ surgeries over the last 20 years and then some; that could be a full time job, LOL ( a trip to Mayo Clinic ) It has come in handy that she is a nurse and so is my sister. Yes my brother has had the opportunity a few times to attend to ER duty @Loyola and most recently @OSF and even brought his now wife along for the ride to Loyola hematology. It’s a good thing he doesn’t mind traveling because I recall he made a trip to Springfield once for a hematology  appointment too. Then I can include the list of all my friends that provide soul/emotional support; the list is many! Mau,Betty,Sandra,Patty,Sue,Cindy,Veronica,Jennifer my food girl,Josh,Connie,Teresa, Christy, my mothers friends,etc. It blows my mind to think of the riches in relationships that I experience; it takes a village. LOL! I know many others that would not hesitate to be there in whatever way needed. I only hope that all my friends and family know that my desire is to be there for them in my unique ways; whether it be sugar for VBS, pepper, concerts,prayers,organizing or writing projects. I still am capable of many things at the right time; including working full time and giving 100%.

My mom used to play/sing the song “My Tribute” when I was younger and for some reason it has been playing in my head today and I think it was to prepare me for my present?

Words: How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me, Things so undeserved that You give to prove your Love for me. The voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude. But for now and ever all I’ll be, I owe it all to Thee.

To God….. Be the Glory…. To God…. Be the Glory…. To God…. Be the Glory….. for the things He has done!

Just let me live my life; let it be pleasing Lord to thee and shall I gain any praise Let it go to Calvary!

With His blood He has saved me, With His power He has raised me, To God Be the Glory!

What a perfect song for my existence!